I’m so sorry to hear that, Nonnie, and I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear but honestly… Time is the only thing that has ever worked for me.
Like, it’s almost funny because I’m going through a similar situation now – my sister got married two weeks ago. And I went through a very similar process accepting that that I did in the past, because while of course there was no romantic attraction/jealousy, my sister had been my best friend for the longest time and her relationship obviously changed that to a drastic degree. We’re nowhere near as close a we used to be, she doesn’t really have much time for me anymore, and I’ve had to adjust to not occupying that same important spot in her life as she does in mine. And losing a friend like that, or feeling that it’s happening, is just as painful in its own way as breaking up or dealing with unreciprocated romantic feelings, because it’s a change, and a change where you lose something you relied on and that made you feel a certain way, and finding a way to adjust to it takes some serious effort and yeah, and time.
With that first situation, I was in love with that guy for over 6 years. He was completely unattainable but that didn’t stop me falling for him hard, even if I knew how it would end. And on top of all those years I spent pining after him, it took A FEW MORE years for it to finally stop hurting after he got married.
It did help that around that time, I moved to a different city (the city he lived in, so that alone wasn’t that good) and started at a new uni and met new friends, and, almost by accident, fell into a new fandom. That was probably instrumental, because it gave me a new happy, safe space where I could retreat to and which I could enjoy without triggering reminders of That Guy and my feelings for him, because he wasn’t connected to that new fandom in any way. This way I could finally have a space for myself and it allowed me to start gaining some true distance and perspective, and finally, to heal. It still took another few years before I could think about him or hear his name or see him without feeling terrible, but with each year the ache got less and less acute until I got where I am now when I’m ready to say that I’ve moved on.
That situation is a little different though because the guy wasn’t a close friend of mine, and while I saw him regularly, there wasn’t much intimacy between us and I could just choose not to see him and distance myself from him when I needed to. Still, for the sister situation, the same tactic worked – distractions, distractions, distractions, and time, and distance. This would be my best advice.
Give yourself time to hurt, to process those feelings and where they’re coming from, try to do your best to adjust, and at the same time maybe try seeking distractions that aren’t connected to your best friend? See more of other people, talk to them, maybe find someone you trust who would be able to listen to how you feel and help you work through it at your own pace. Talking helps, because then when you talk you have to think about your feelings in order to articulate them, and that already creates some distance which can be a good starting point. Writing can have the same effect, so if you’d rather not confide in anyone directly, writing a journal might be a good idea. Try not to punish yourself for those feelings – they’re there, you can’t help having them and wanting to be as important to someone as they are to you is, in and of itself, not selfish, it’s normal and human and natural – and remember: it will get easier. You will move on, and find your own happiness. You just need to give yourself time.
Dracze's Rambles 